AFTER YESTERDAY’S BLOG ABOUT PHONSIE, THE NUN AND THE AMERICAN CHASTITY APOSTLE COMING SOON TO WATERFORD, A VERY ANGRY WATERFORD PRIEST RANG ME AND SAID “PHONSIE IS A WAN..ER”.
I replied: “Father, I think the problem is that Phonsie is NOT a wan..er”.
A number of years ago – a rare specimen these days – a straight priest – came to talk to me about the affair he was having with his rural parish post mistress.
During our chat the priest said something so wise and so true. He aaid: “Pat, they wouldn’t let us get rid our semen and it went our head and made us mad”.
And there is a madness that can come from sexual repression, sexual frustration and the tension that builds up from sexual deprivation.
And it’s clear to me that poor old Phonsie has that madness.
The symptoms he is showing are classic – a problem with the female body, a problem with girls being immunized against sexually transmitted diseases and a problem with bodies engaged in yoga.
Phonsie has SDV – SEXUAL DEPRIVATION VIRUS.
And if he’s not careful it will develop into full blown AISDS – Auto Immune Sexual Deprivation Syndrome.
There is no known cure for either SDV or AISDS but both conditions can be managed long term and without life threatening consequences.
And the experts recommend techniques that come from the chicken industry.
So, Phonsie should choke the chicken a few times a week.
DARCY FINALLY GETS A MINI CELEB FUNERAL GIG.
POOR BRIAN DARCY HAS BEEN VERY DEPRESSED SINCE GAY BYRNE’S FUNERAL WHEN THE DUBLIN CLERGY RELEGATED HIM TO THE PEWS AND REFUSED TO LET HIM HIJACK GAYBO’S FUNERAL.
And then came Blow Two.
Marian Finucane died next and poor Brian was not allowed near that funeral either.
You see the Byrnes and the Finucanes have taste and gravitas and they did not want a country and western funeral for their beloved or a funeral where the celebrant made it all about him and not the deceased.
So, the Byrnes went for a highly educated Jesuit and the Finucanes went for a bishop, a monsignor and a real parish priest.
But there was a consolation prize this week for our B. He got to do the funeral of Larry Gogan, the retired DJ.
That will give his deflated little ego a wee lift and make his Merc big end a little less noisy.
VIDEO OF FUNERAL.
WATCH DARCY AT THE BEGINNING WELCOMING ALL THE MINI CELEBS BY NAME