I know that you will have found the Blogs of yesterday and today difficult.
However, I suggest that you receive them as a challenge to get off the fence and move on with your life.
You have two options now:
1. GO BACK TO ARMAGH:
You can go back to Eamon Martin and to a parish. It might be a bit embarrassing initially – but most people are kind and understanding of human weakness.
Your “shame” will fade into the background and if you are good and kind to people many will let you put it behind you.
But the same Rory that messed up in Armagh will still be inside you.
You will have to re-embrace life long celibacy and chastity.
And nature has already shown you that you are not able for that hard and really “uneccesary” road.
Attempting to live a life you were unsuited was your downfall.
And it may very well be the same again.
2. PROVEHITO IN ALTUM
“LAUNCH OUT INTO THE DEEP”
I think that Providence and Nature has spoken to you.
You do not have to be a priest to serve God and others.
In fact, the more you are yourself, the more God can use you and the more good you can do for others.
You cannot give what you do not have. To truly give peace to others you must be at peace within yourself.
And let’s remember there have always been good celibate priests and chaste nuns who have done great good.
But they had the gift / charism for celibacy and chastity.
It’s been a great mistake for the Church to impose celibacy on ALL priests.
Not everyone called to priesthood is called to celibacy. The majority of priests are not called to celibacy.
I don’t think you had a vocation to celibacy.
And, if you still want to be a priest – and a therapist – why not join an Anglican diocese – or become an independent priest?
Independent ministry has been wonderful for me for 36 years now.
Get off the fence.
Stop doing the double.
Embrace life and love and maybe find your soul mate.
And if you are going to continue in therapy, don’t hide your years in seminary and priesthood.
List it as part of your CV.
It will put some off.
It will attract others.
You cannot and should not hide 20 years of life and experience.
Rory, stop being an unhappy caterpillar and become God’s 🦋 butterfly.
And if your wings are pink – so what. Embrace them.