My dear Brother Paddy,

For decades now, I have been keenly aware of the horrible things that happened to you and the terribly damaging effects it has had on your whole life.

And I’m sure you are aware of what I did to help Victim B and his family to get Donaghy to court?

In that time, I have often prayed for you, lit a candle for you, and remembered you at Mass.

I know that you have had professional help – and I hope you still have.

To some extent, I can understand how you feel. I was sexually abused at the age of 6, and it damaged me terribly.

It returned to haunt me at puberty when I gradually came to know I was gay.

In the early 1960s in Ireland, it was excruciatingly difficult to get gay.

That became harder as I progressed to seminary and priesthood.

After ordination and when I came to Down and Connor, things inside my head got worse.

I sought the help of GPs and psychiatrists and lived a lot of the time taking Valium to try and control the most horrific panic attacks that I was having several times a day.

God led me to understand that I needed intensive psychotherapy, and I placed myself in therapy for 5 long years concentrating on the Psychosysthesis school that brings therapy and spirituality together.

I also engaged in work with Dr. Frank Lake of Nottingham and did a lot of work around primal therapy, womb trauma, and birth trauma.

I also attended group therapy.

As I turned 40, the light penetrated my decades old memories of my abuse, my undeserved sense of shame, and my undeserved sense of guilt.

On the last day of m therapy, I stood in the Old Victoria Square in Belfast, took in the deepest of breaths, and was able to say, for the first time in my life:

“For the first time in my life, today, I know what it is like to have the freedom of a son of God”.

And, as you know, while I have had loads of external difficulties, I have never lost the joy of the freedom.

By the way, from that day in Victoria Square, nearly 30 years ago, I have never had another panic attack.

I am at peace, have deep contentment in my mind, and spirit, rejoice in how much God loves me, and have human love and intimacy in my life.


Paddy, I know that you have done significant therapy, some with the help of D&C.

And I hope and pray that you are continuing that work.

I also know that you have great faith and trust in God and his healing.

But the level of anger and aggression in your letters to and statements about Paddy Walsh, while 100 % justified, show that internally, you are still, psychologically and spiritually the prisoner of Walsh & Donaghy.

You are allowing these two total bastards to live, rent-free in your head.

They are both 100% guilty, in different ways, for the great sufferings and pain they brought upon you, and it is only right that the responsibility is focused on them in that respect.

Walsh and Donaghy have partly ruined your life up until now.

I think you must now ask yourself how you can keep the blame light on them but do it in a way that is not causing you the pain it is.

Can you get to do that by engaging in more therapy, spiritual direction, etc.

You have to do something to stop the cycle of pain you are trapped in.

Secondly, Paddy, I do not think you are happy in yourself.

I believe you have very strong inner conflict in yourself.

I particularly think you have an internal conflict with regard to your emotions.

Your homily on St Patrick’s Day showed this.

You are going to have to fully accept who you are and what you are.

And, finally, I believe you need another human being in your life to love and accept you unconditionally.

This is obviously very difficult as you are supposed to live as a celibate RC priest.

But it is vital for your healing.

In Genesis, the Lord tells us: “It is not good for a man to be alone.”