For years, it seemed so easy to me: Catholics are taught from an early age not to lie, and that withholding the truth is a form of lying. At Mass, we often hear of the Golden Rule preached by Jesus Christ: “Do to others what you want them to do to you.” (Matthew 7:12.) How, then, could we hear of these horrible acts and not want to expose the bad priests and bring an end to the abuse? Doesn’t our faith command us to do so?
I always thought I would speak up if I found myself in that situation. But I didn’t. In 2011, I worked as a sacristan, setting the altar before Mass and caring for the church, at my home parish of Holy Family in Fresh Meadow, Queens. One of the priests, the Rev. Lou Aufiero, was an old family friend who had baptized my youngest brother.
For months we got along well, and talked often in the rectory. But our relationship changed after what started as an innocent discussion about my ethnicity. “My father is Irish and my mother is Hungarian,” I told him. “You know what’s the good thing about Hungarians?” he asked. I shook my head, not knowing where he was going with this. “They’re good-looking and well-hung,” he answered with a chuckle. I remember being in shock for the rest of the day, and for a few days after that, at what he had said.
From then on, I viewed Aufiero’s friendly gestures with suspicion, and tried my best to keep my distance from him, though I acted cordial when in his presence. I was 19 at the time, and never thought I was in any danger around him. Still, something about him never seemed right after that remark.
I told only a handful of people what had happened, mostly close friends and one of my brothers. But I never reported the incident, even as I heard others’ stories about what they saw as Aufiero’s suspicious behavior.
I never thought much of my silence until this February, when the Diocese of Brooklyn released the names of 108 clergy members who had been credibly accused of sexual abuse. The third name on the alphabetical list was Aufiero’s, accompanied by a note stating that there had been several abuse allegations before and after he died in 2015.
Although I wasn’t shocked to see his name, the list still stirred up many emotions. Once again, there was anger — this time at myself. At best, Aufiero’s remark had been a bad attempt at a joke, but it was nothing that a priest should ever say to anyone. I knew this and yet I had said nothing to the church’s pastor, the diocese or any other church officials.
A friend later told me that Aufiero probably engaged his victims in a similar manner. That’s not unlikely, because there have been many cases of clergy abuse that began with priests making friends with their victims before those relationships took inappropriate turns.
Was Aufiero trying to do the same with me? I wondered. How many other people had heard him make crude remarks and said nothing? How many people was he allowed to abuse because nobody — including me — spoke up?
Finally, I asked myself whether it would have mattered if I’d reported him. Would the parish, or the diocese, have taken any action that would’ve resulted in an investigation or any meaningful action?
Although I’ll never know that answer, I realized that it’s irrelevant, because my faith calls on me to do what’s right. As Catholics, we are asked to live the teachings of the Bible, and not just listen to them every Sunday at Mass. “Save those who are weak and needy. Save them from the power of sinful people.” (Psalm 82:3.) It’s the duty of the faithful to speak up when they see priests abusing their power and taking advantage of the weak.
Although many, like myself, may not trust the church at times to handle these situations properly, not reporting them goes against everything our faith professes. No, it won’t be easy, but Jesus never promised us life would be.
Anthony O’Reilly is the editor of the Baldwin Herald. Comments about this column?Aoreilly@liherald.com.
AN ARTICLE IN THE BROOKLYN DIOCESAN NEWSPAPER – THE TABLET – AT THE TIME OF AUFARIO’S DEATH!!!
Father Aufiero Recalled as a Very Spiritual Man
June 4, 2015
Father Aufiero.
A Mass of Christian Burial for Father Louis Aufiero, 78, who lived at Queen of Peace Residence, Queens Village, was celebrated there June 1.
He died May 24 at Queen of Peace, five days before his 50th anniversary of ordination.
Born in Williamsburg, he attended St. Nicholas School, Most Holy Trinity H.S., Cathedral College, all Brooklyn, and Immaculate Conception Seminary, Huntington.
He served as an assistant at St. Rita’s, East New York, 1965-66; St. Francis Xavier, Park Slope, 1966-67; St. Malachy, East New York, 1969; Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal, Ridgewood, 1969-70; and St. Anselm, Bay Ridge, 1970-76.
He served as chaplain at the Abbey of Regina Laudis Monastery, Bethlehem, Conn., and at the Benedictine House of Our Lady of the Rock in the state of Washington.
He was an assistant at St. Ephrem, Dyker Heights, 1992-95, and chaplain at Mary Immaculate Hospital, Jamaica, while residing at Holy Family, Flushing, 2007-14. He retired last year.
Auxiliary Bishop Octavio Cisneros was the main celebrant of the funeral Mass. Special concelebrants included Msgrs. Martin Geraghty, Peter Kain and Father Thomas Pettei.
“He was a very spiritual priest,” said Msgr. Geraghty, pastor of St. Robert Bellarmine, Bayside.
“The people who knew him knew he was a very holy guy, who was always aware of God’s love and of other people.”
Father Aufiero is survived by his sister, Lucy O’Flaherty of Bethpage, L.I. Burial was at the Abbey of Regina Laudis Cemetery.
Tags: Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal – Ridgewood Queens, Queen of Peace Residence Queens Village, St. Anselm – Bay Ridge Brooklyn, St. Ephrem – Dyker Heights Brooklyn, St. Francis Xavier – Park Slope Brooklyn, St. Malachy – East New York Brooklyn
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3 thoughts on “Father Aufiero Recalled as a Very Spiritual Man”
James Scott says:
November 15, 2015 at 11:05 pm11
I was shocked to hear about fr.lou , I remember talking with him shortly after he left holy family church residents and as we talked he seemed a little distant and as if he was having a hard time remembering who I was . I’ve known father since 1973 in bay ridge Brooklyn , we’ve kept in touch ever since . What a wonderful man, we loved him , whenever we talked he always was worried if he was going long winded , little did he know I could listen to father all day . I’ll miss him terribly and I pray he’s home in heaven. Goodbye father Lou , we love you.
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James Scott says:
November 16, 2015 at 11:05 am11
I knew fr Lou from st anslems church in Brooklyn , I was only 13 , that was in 1973 . He was such a gentle soul and never seemed to raise his voice , always willing to talk with you, a real parish priest , and a friend. We kept in touch over the years , I’d visit him from time to time at holy family and he at our apt in maspeth to have a nice Italian dinner my wife would cook for us . But in 2002 we moved into Florida , many times I made the offer of putting father up if he wanted to come down for a vacation , but his work was first and foremost , so sense our move we talked from time to time by phone , when this time I was trying to call him, I’d leave a message but wouldn’t hear back, until I called his residents and they told me what happened. We really loved fr Lou he’ll be missed , rest in peace father, God knows you earned it.
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Mark L. Brandon, MD says:
December 31, 2016 at 11:05 pm12
I was so sad to learn that Father Lou passed away.He has been a good friend, mentor and spiritual advisor since I first met him as an orthopaedic surgery resident when I was in residency training at Mary Immaculate Hospital in Jamaica, Queens back in 2004.He baptised my only child, Andrew. My family would take him to The Metropolitan Museum of Art every Christmas season to see the lovely Christmas tree and the nativity scene there.He actually knew that my wife was 2 weeks pregnant before we even told him or anyone else one day when we took him there in late December 2009.He will be missed by all who had the pleasure of knowing him and we all look forward to one day meeting again in Heaven.We love you and miss you Father Lou.God Bless.Rest in peace.
PAT SAYS.
Father Aufario came on to the 19 year old sacristan and appeared on Brooklyn’s list of 108 priests credibly accused priests.
And when he died the auxiliary bishop presided at his funeral Mass and he was recalled as A VERY SPIRITUAL MAN!
Young Anthony highlights how Catholics are taught not to lie and yet Catholics, clerical and lay, are very good at lieing.
They often say they do it to protect the reputation of the church, the reputation of the clergy and to avoid scandal.
The RC church is built upon and kept going by lies, or as they sometimes call it, mental reservation.
Anthony is right.
Witholding the truth is to lie.
64 replies on “Catholics must speak up to end abuse”
abuse is abuse! whether that abuse is emotional, physical, sexual or otherwise. One of the biggest arguments I had was in the office of a professor in Maynooth where I strongly maintained that systematic bullying was abuse. He got very annoyed that I kept calling it abuse but I stuck to my guns.
Recently it has come to my attention that an elderly clerical chaplain of a secondary school is regarded as being a physical abuser of students. He would hit and box them into the face. He even admitted this to current students. The principal told me the chaplain was well known for his physical abuse of students. It leads one to question, why on earth did the bishop appoint him to this position, when he is an ABUSER. I have made three attempts to speak with the diocesan bishop but he has refused to acknowledge my phone calls despite me telling the diocesan secretary that is it ‘VERY IMPORTANT’.
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1.14: If your story is true, then the principal is very negligent, as are also his teachers. They are seriously compromising themselves if they do nothing. Surely, with all the Child Safeguarding Policies and strictures around boundaries, bullying, abuse, it beggars belief that any teacher should be still in such a position.
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School principles are often uncontrollable dictators.
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I should state this physical abuse occurred long in the past and is not occurring now. I often wonder about the physical abuse of students in the past, ie 60’s, 70’s, 80’s. Did any of you incur abuse in your childhood days. Pat, how was school for you?
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DelaSalle brother Clement Headmaster at Red High Downpatrick was a sadistic vicious bastard. Six on each hand with a sawn off 12 inches brush shaft was one of his specialities, regularly for trivial “offences” .
I wish I’d met him as an adult to have let him know how much I despised him and his brand of Catholicism.
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OOOOps! Think I called the wee bar steward Clement. It should have been Albert. Know what I would have called him to his face in post school life!
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How are ye all? Well as you all know I was haunting a house in Dundalk. 5 bed semi-detached. beautiful fitted kitchen. manicured lawn. Ara Coeli was never in it!
Anyways, I got into a bit of ‘bother’. so they moved me. Im now haunting a caravan park outside Llandudno North Wales. shocking place!
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Speak up against those involved in the Stamullen incidnet and Bray incident. Kevin Connolly and Michael Byrne must be stopped. Pat have you contacted Meath or Clogher about this gay sex incident
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3:24
Before you name people here in an early morning attack, you should think twice. If u have evidence of a crime go to the Guards. Otherwise your concern may be taken for what it is: no cern for individuals just vindictive spite and resentment at the position of others.
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There are many very hurt people out there who, in their hurt, lash out. Its the result of pain.
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3:24am
How very disappointing Mr. Brendan Marshall. The only one who needs to be stopped is you. Get some mental help. The guilt of the damage you caused to all your “friends” must eat at away at you, especially when you are drunk and alone at 3:24am in the morning. How pathetic you are.
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There were and are quite a number of seminarians, priests and seminarians who caused damage in Maynooth. And at the centre of it all is harmful, promiscuous homosexuality.
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Good Morning Pat
Yes true. Brendan Marshall can be linked to every incident in the last few years. I believe it is him leaving the comments Re. Kevin Connolly. He is doing it out of bitterness and jealousy because Kevin is still in formation and he is not because he got caught out. He has personally attacked all his old friends on this blog including Connolly, Byrne, Jones, Derwin, McElroy, Hickey, Dysky, Moriarty, Gannon et el.
In my opinion he needs help. He was drinking with his “friends” into the early hours this morning. Do you get many drunk messages at night Pat?
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I get many drunken comments late at night. Many are from priests.
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Marshall also had a big role to play in throwing dirt at all of them on this blog. He is unstable!
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Pat, just a suggestion, but I think early hours comments by drunken priests would be an interesting blog post in themselves and provide further evidence for the true believers of what their shepherds are actually like.
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11:57
I think when people are drunk like Brendan Marshall last night they get brave and then proceed to abuse you pat or abuse others. Do you think they are mentally deficient or lacking integrity?
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Pat 11.57 I’m sure ya do get comments Drrink hi. Arshes hi. Says a lot really. Frustration victimisation bitterness and being trapped. Mention Miss Bishop or Fr Lollipop and they are like flys round a cow Pooo Will the real issue ever be addressed. The worship of God vs the social and animal farm like behaviour of the church. The colosseum may be in ruins but the cathedrals still stand proud but
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This blew up in your face Brendan. Grow up you fool
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Word of warning to Thomas McHugh and Ryan McAleer. Watch yourselves with that nutcase in your midst. He has put comments up about you two guys in the past. You have been warned.
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If you are a priest and reading this blog, understand that the grave damage that has been done to your priestly reputations is profound and long-lasting. Namely, in the popular mind nowadays, a priest is automatically suspect and viewed with suspicion, and necessarily kept at arms’ length. Any trust in your personally or as a group has gone, and will probably never return. Every one of you is viewed through a prism of suspicion.
I’m sorry that this has happened, and I’m sorry for those of you who are good guys. But, you only have your priestly clerical caste to blame for this. Over decades, your predecessors and many of you colluded in a culture that was to your advantage and comfort and allowed things to be disregarded, or at worst covered up and lied about. Many of you will have known priests whose behaviour was ‘iffy’, and yet how many of you made any effort to confront it ? Mostly, you would turn a blind eye, or conveniently find an excuse to explain this behaviour. So, your complicity as a caste and as individuals is to blame for much of the problem that confronts us in the Church, and in the loss of your integrity and any trust in you. Don’t blame us, don’t blame the odd bad apple, don’t blame the Devil, don’t blame the gays, don’t blame the media, don’t blame the victims / survivors, don’t blame anybody but yourselves. Got it ?!
And, don’t try and blame the laity for not having been more proactive ! Such was the control that your caste had constructed over the years that the laity were subject to coercion and manipulation at your hands. Shame on you of What you did to our Church and to us Catholics.
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7.37: And here endeth my homily for the 3rd Sunday of Easter. Thank God I look to the Risen Christ standing on the shore end, offering hope, light, peace and healing, reclaiming the disciples renewing his mission within them. This is my guide and inspiration. What’s yours apart from easy lecturing!!!
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Bravo 7:37.
9:54 is just another ignorer who says they want to focus on positive stuff but really just wants to ignore the fact they are in a cess pit.
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I was thinking of applying to seminary……….! Might not now!
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Hi @ 8am. Aw gwan, gwan, gwan! Shure you’ll have a luvly toime. Just play along with their game and befor you know wher you are you’ll be on the pig’s back. Just think: minimum work and maximum comforts. Shure that can’t be bad? An that celibacy thingy? Arrah that’ll be long gone before long and shure nobody bothers with it anymore anyway. An Oi’ve a lovely niece looking for a housekeeper job who’ll see you right: if you know what I mean.
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Mother of God, why would anyone apply to seminary in this day and age? Do you actively want your life ruined and faith destroyed?
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If God is the truth and the truth will set you free and the priests lie they have excommunicated themselves from God. The laity never think and have not noticed this yet. They are all going to hell in a hand cart.
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And I’m, whistleingly, pushing it to the brink of that fiery pit, where every single one of these parasites will find refuge right inside the devil’s ar.. . Just as Chaucer told us. 🎵🎶😆
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LOL I was rewatching Pasolini’s Canterbury Tales the other night and also thought that scene was very apt still.
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9.57: Still under your rock Mags! A suitable place for worms, snakes, vipers and parasites. May the little brain you’ve left intact soon be mushed into the ground. You pervert.
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Pat, have you received a letter from Conors solicitors?
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I have reveived no solicitors letters this year. No.
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9:47
This comment was also by Brendan Marshall
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9.54: You obviously have difficulty with TRUTH. I will continue to focus on positive events, moments and experiences, of which, despite the crisis, there are many. I never have not ever will deny sing, criminal, abusive behaviour. My parents inculcated very miral values unto my l7fe, underpinned by a deep Christian faith. So, sorry to disappoint you, but as a priest, I know right from wrong, I act justly, I behave responsibility with children and young, vnerable adults and older, I know the principles of honouring and protecting body integrity. I am.well educated on all these relevant, moral, social, ethical and spiritual guideline, procedures and principles. And I abuse by them. So your snootiness (ignorance) us response is quite pathetic. Again, my reference point for living morally good is Jesus Christ. You too should try it!! First, get a brain…..
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Oh FFS it’s Fr Moral-Compass again, who takes every opportunity to speak out publicly against abuse. Not. That’s why nobody has ever heard of him. If he had actually done so he would have been hung out to dry by now. A false claim of abuse would have been made against him and he would have been defrocked.
To be a Catholic priest and to claim to have a conscience after all that has been revealed is a non sequitur. I will liken the situation again to a mafia member saying his organization is kind to its widows, but he speaks out against the organisations violence.
My reasonable expectation is that an organization which claims to be one, holy, and so on, will be visibly so, but it isn’t.
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12.30: Ffs… you plonker. Get a brain. You moron. Believe or disbelieve what you like – I couldn’t care – but you seem so thick, so imbecilic, so full of crap.
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That’s right, Daddy, start being abusive when you don’t get your own way. What’s the matter, can’t cope with someone who doesn’t say, Yes Father?
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12.30: Better to have a moral compass than the vacuous, inane and “have what you like” mind set where anything goes. Remember the advice of Jesus about building strong foundations – on rock not shifting sands which I think you stand on…..sink away. Give me Jesus on the shore anytime to your mockery and emptiness.
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Pat. You continually try to expose gay Priests and Sems and their double standards. Tell me this. You are a homosexual man and in a civil partnership, saying Holy Mass, baptising, conducting marriages etc. Isn’t this double standards? Didn’t you take a life time vow of celibacy? You only stick to the rules that suit you. Are you really telling me that as homosexual, you led a celibate life through seminary, Diaconate and RC Priesthood? Give over! I suspect you were as promiscuous as the rest of them, willy watching in the showers, knocking one off as you fantasised about them and I bet you hung around public toilets during the summer, getting your end away at every given opportunity. I know how the homosexual mind works. Why are you persecuting these men? Do you think your work really is God’s will?
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Fair comment
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Anon@ 11:51, you say, “I know how the homosexual mind works.”
Says it all; ‘nuf said
I rest my case.
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I’m not anonymous. I am Fr Frank Scanlan. Who are you Dan the man?
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11:51
If there’s any perversion in evidence here it’s in your post.
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Of course everyone needs to speak out to end abuse hi. What makes the church different Nawthing but . Problem is (always is wan) issues are being turned into golden calves while Got gets forgotted hi.
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11:51. Your practice of spelling words as you perceive they are pronounced, when, in fact there is a conventional way of spelling them, is idiosyncratic. I normally scroll past anything under your pseudonym.
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I think we do not really need grammar and spelling police on here?
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11.51 Ok so. But you must read it to evaluate it. What’s your real point hi
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There is a lot of truth – painful as it is to hear – in what 7:37am writes. It’s not the whole truth but it is some of the truth.
Idiots like 9:54am, with his dreamy “Jesus on the shore” bullshit do the truth no service.
Likewise, the sweeping statement by Pat Buckley: “The RC church is built upon and kept going by lies, or as they sometimes call it, mental reservation”.
Statements like the above – completely over the top and dictated by hatred and prejudice – are why no one with any sense takes Pat Buckley seriously anymore.
There are, indeed, some in the Church who lie. Lying is sinful and we are all sinners.
But to say the Church is “built upon and kept going by lies” is in itself a monstrous falsehood uttered by a bitter man who has also himself been known to tell lies.
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Pat fair comment. We don’t need spelling police. But there is method in the madness. These gurly types spout so much rubbish and perceived righteousness but do s f a. Bring back John Da Baptist hi
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So when is Timmy going to announced as the Coadjutor Archbishop of Dublin?? Oh I can’t hardly wait! The excitement is killing me. I’ve even wet myself a little bit! 😆
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Well it had better not be today after that iffy Madras he had last night. The press conference could be a bit of a challenge.
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Thursday Morning will be the big announcement, wee Timmy will come in to his Kingdom! Well half-way anyway till Dermo the thug from Ballyer departs next year.
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There will be an announcement this Friday at 11. But it’s not Timothy!
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Oh yes it will!
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Pat will you be voting in the Europe elections? Who should the thinking/wise catholic vote for? I would never vote Sinn Fein I think most people that vote Sinn Fein do it in solidarity with Gerry Adams brother. Lol
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I hope we do not have to vote in that election. The thinking man in 2019 might vote Green?
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Pat mullaney took us to stormont on a wee school trip in solidarity with Brendan who was a spad, Sinn Fein abused us up there.
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7 .34: So, you’re not a thinking man, Pat?? NO. NO.NO. You blow with the wind.
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11.57: Is Magna a priest then???The most prolific late night/early morning abuser when drunk is said person….is he a priest? Irrespective, he, Magna, is quite a whore when drunk…
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I have heard that the announcement re Dubs coadjutor is Tuesday morning and sorry to say to Timmy’s mammy that it’s not your lad.
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Awk 😞 Timmy’s Mummy will be so disappointed. She’s been knitting that Capa Magna since he was ordained 27 year ago and it will be finished by Tuesday! There was just the wee baubles to sew on to the fringes of it. Gol darn it! 😫
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Who gives 2 fu##s who it is or isn’t. It’s like appointing a new captain on the Lusitania.
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Quite a few abusuve priests at St Malachy’s college. Bishop Emeritus Walsh was fond of slapping people about the head and the infamous Dean of discipline Fr “rubber” Michael Murray was a law unto himself. I wonder if he ever went through one day of his tenure in St Malachy’s without smacking a student. A right bully he was. But sure who were we to question God’s holy anointed? Looking back they were just insignificant unfulfilled men who abused their positions. Like most good Catholics we had been taught to never ever question the actions of God’s holy anointed. If it was now, they would rightly get a good smack back. Total bullies.
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Walsh was an evil sadistic bastard and Murray was a vicious animal – not the sharpest tool in the box either.
An awful pity no one took a hurley stick to those two wicked f***ers – and quite a few other “teachers” – in that hellhole of a “school” back then. That would have solved a lot.
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